By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
