I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
