That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
