:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
