I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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