When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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