Just took my morning after pill in the library
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
