47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
