i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Shame - the story of my life.
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