the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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