new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
