Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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