Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
