He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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