I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
