So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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