i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
