My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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