Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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