it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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