I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
