this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
