Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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