At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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