He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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