Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So many bounce houses so little time
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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