You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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