oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
