My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
