I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
