You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
