But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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