ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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