sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
