We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No subtext here. People are naked.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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