Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
