Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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