nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize