Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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