My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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