Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize