vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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