And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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