She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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