what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
