I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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