I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
