That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
