dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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