I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
