the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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