took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
