life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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