it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
