Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
