Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
