I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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