It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
