Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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