I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
