my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize