You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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