He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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