I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
