Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i think my cat just said my name.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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