I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
