your thong is hanging out like whoa
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
