well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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