this beer tastes like vomit already
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
