they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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