i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
