so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
