people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
