you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize