The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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