I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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