Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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