i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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