Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
