Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
