bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
