i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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