my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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