I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
