Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
