I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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