Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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