I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize