So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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