I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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