I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
