just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
