butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
